The Beginning of a Long Road to Self Discovery

One of the things I've learned in the past year, which I strongly believe in, is the following:
To proceed in life, whether it be life it's self, friendship, romantic love, your career, or anything else, is that you need to either know or be on the path to discovering any/all of these things:

• Who you are
• Your goals
• Your passions and desires
  
• What your strengths and weaknesses are
  
• What you like and what you dislike
  

These things should be realized independant of others as much as possible, so that you know for yourself that they are TRULY YOUR OWN values, not clouded by other's opinions or beliefs. I believe that it is especially important to know these things before entering into a romantic relationship. Having recently entered into a romantic relationship without knowing any of these things made step back for a moment to look at my life and evaluate.

What I see in myself right now is this:

• I don't know the above listed items about myself, and I don't even know if I know how to get on track to knowing them. The past few months have been very difficult for me physically and emotionally, and it is reasonable to expect me to take some time to get on track with this important value in life, and I'm ready to start trying again.
• The relationship I am in right now is important to me, but it is long distance. Both parties know that this can only go so far through the internet. I feel that I am ready emotionally and mentally for a relationship but I am not ready overall. This is a positive step for me, as it puts me into a place where I can self discover and eventually get to *my ideal place* without being too tied down yet still getting the intimacy and companionship involved in a relationship that I want right now.
• Looking back just over a year ago, I did have many of these things in place or at least in process, however it was with help. If you knew me one year ago, I was in a relationship and obtaining values that I still believe in, but they were not self discovered. I had my ex, who is still a good friend of mine, helping me to realize these values. Where I am now is the exact opposite. I know none of these things and I don't know how I'm going to get where I want to be.

The good news is...
THIS IS WHAT I WANT.
Not knowing these things and not knowing how I'm going to get there but being in a position where I can realize myself, goals, passions, desires, strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes ON MY OWN is in fact what I want! This gives me the chance to be the "Amazing, Strong, Directed, Passionate, Beautiful, and great human being" that I spoke about in my first post.

It's as if last year, I was on the path to these discoveries by being dumped into the ocean but being on a boat. I had the support that I wanted which helped make it easier, but I was headed in a particular direction not of my choosing. If I had kept on with this, I would have ended up in the ideal place of another.
This year, I'm dumped into the ocean on my own. There are SO many directions I could head to, so many waves that I could follow. There will be sharks that bite and there will be times that it will be difficult to keep swimming. I may find that I've headed the wrong way and I want to switch directions. It may take time to figure out which direction I need to swim towards to get to my paradise, but once I get there, I will find my treasure... my own self.

Without knowing it, I've been arming myself for this journey ahead of time throughout the past week. I'm eating healthily and regularily. I've been sleeping at [more] normal hours and getting plenty of sleep. I've taken time to myself when I need it, in whatever means necessary. I've taken myself out of negative situations and also realized future events that I am looking forward to in the coming months. I don't know what life is going to throw at me, but... I think... I'm ready to tackle the things discussed in this blog post, and I know how to get what I need to get me through anything that may come my way.

I'm happy that I've come this far and I'm very proud of myself for getting through the difficulties I've faced over the past few months. I feel like today has brought me personal growth, and nothing could be more satisfying for me right now than just that. I feel that this is real life. I see true beauty in both the journey I'm going through, and more importantly, I see this in myself as well.

Being able to say "I believe that I am truly beautiful" is a strength in it's self. Not everyone can do that, and I am grateful that I am capable of doing so. Thank you to everyone who has helped me to get where I am. Your love, friendship and support has been outstanding, and it is well appreciated. [<3 Deeva, Bronwyn, LC-sama, Vij, and last but certainly not least, Mech-san <3]